WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

What We Want

What we want appears

in dreams, wearing disguises.

We don't remember the dream,

but the dream remembers us.

                             Linda Pastan

“Five Positions” is an organizational tool that views situations from multiple perspectives. A long while back, a friend invited me to assist and be an active participant in her Advanced Skills Training course.

I was an example of fifth position. Fueled by spiritual values, I viewed my work and recreation sourced in universal truths. “If I am committed, do my actions bring peace?” My friend offered participants an overview; I easily “groked” the four positions. When fifth position came, I asked: “Am I really aligned with the highest truths?” When called upon, I shared my doubts. A participant, a CEO in the #1 position of self-interest, piped up: “If she doesn’t feel she’s living her core values, what hope is there for the rest of us?” There was laughter from others, a red face from me.

I’ve been working all the positions for years. Yet, as Achilles’ heels go, I keep returning to embody position #1: “What do I want?’ Recently, this straight-thinking eighty-year nun asked: “Do you know what your spiritual weakness is?” Head down, I mumbled, “No?” She responded, “You’re not entitled!” Jeez, if a nun, for God’s sake, is asking me to get a little self-interest, what’s one to do? Wait for the Pope?

Do you know, dear reader, what position is your Achilles’ Heel?

Two weeks ago, a mentor and three friends raised the stakes. “You are the most important person in your life. Repeat after me!” So gauntlet down, head up, I rose to the occasion. One of these friends urged me to post my poem. With my soul in my throat, I thought I’d give it a go.

“Because I am the most person in my life”

When I got off the phone

I did not call Jena

To see if she wanted to go

On a walk tomorrow

I went on a walk right then and there

With the sun still out

Pouring into my body

Early enough

I fixed myself the meal

I had been wanting

For a long time

To make

Aloo Gobi

I used all the cauliflower

I was not sparing

I used the best spices

I did not think 

Of whom else to serve this dish

It was for me

And because I did not 

Make extra calls

Or fuss at my desk

Before allowing myself 

A walk and a meal

I watched daylight 

Merge into dusky hues

Looking out my window

I noticed first bloom of

Cherry Blossom flowers

That last only a few weeks

Because it was still light

I walked outside

And told the flowers

Hello