THE LOVING POWER OF HORSES AND THE UNKNOWN

When I engage in equine coaching, I enter into what the Lakota people call The Great Mystery.

Yesterday, as I stepped into the barn, I met a peaceful scene. Part of the herd came down the hill. Others, already with stall access, came in for a nuzzle.

My client and I were working in the small barn room. From my perch, I saw more horses come down the hill. At liberty, they milled around Ginger quietly standing in the round pen. A couple of horses were lying down. A few nuzzled each other. There was a lot of licking and chewing. Eyes were attentive on me as I worked with the client.

My client works for a large company. He recently shifted from a breakdown with a close colleague and was still in dialogue. His former communication and integrity issues cost him business and respect. He was seeking deeper intimacy with his teams and family.

After a brief exploration in the round pen, life burst into action on the other side of the pen. Two of the horses nipped each other, nosed, chased...sometimes kicking out as one of them would speed up the hill and then return.

After scanning the environment, I asked my client what the two horses seemed to be saying to him.

"Well, it was connection and then biting. Like fighting. So I guess something about connecting." 

More biting and chasing ensued.

I then asked if his inner intimacy conflict had returned? He confided that it had. Ginger came a little closer.

“What’s Ginger saying?”

“That I was honest and it's okay to come closer to me. I still feel agitated, though. Like I cannot get ahold of it.”

“Of intimacy? But you just did by admitting you were in conflict and not hiding it.”

The exploration changed again. Ginger moved off and the biting and nipping resumed.

“Hmm, is there anyone you’re in conflict with presently?”

“Well, I blew up at Bert. But I don’t think he cared.”

More nipping and rearing.

What are the horses saying to you?

“If it weren’t for the broken company...”

More nipping and rearing.

“What are the horses saying?

“Heck yes, I blew up. It was a bad deal and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

Ginger moved away from John. More nipping, rearing and biting.

I walked closer into my client’s space. My body was relaxed, my voice even. “I thought you already decided that blowing up was unacceptable?”

My client looked out into the distance to the top of the pasture hills. Ginger moved to stand in front of the round pen gate.

“What’s Ginger saying to you?”

John laughed. “That there is no way out.”

 “From?”

“Putting an end to my rage and controlling others.”

“What are the other horses showing you?”

“I have to clean this up.”

And?

“I will tonight.”

“Who are you mad at?”

“Me. I am mad at me for not communicating, not knowing how to share my love of the project. I blew it and took it out on Bert.”

“John, what was the herd energy when you arrived? And then later, with you?”

“Well as we came to the round pen, they were all calm.  Then when I was talking those two were play fighting, they showed me I wasn’t. I was numb and yet, aggressive. It was ... really ... like love ... and POWER. You, too. Like a Loving Power.”

A day later, I called an equine coaching friend. With only a brief picture of the horse’s interaction, she had the same coaching questions as I. She asked about my response to the work done.

“It’s so dynamic. I don’t like seeing the horses bite each other. And you’re right, I don’t really know what it’s like for them. They were play fighting. It's really that sometimes when I express this loving power, I get anxious. This strong vibration of love, strong and focused. And yet, the horses cheered me, whinnying, coming closer when I moved in closer to my client. They backed me up.”

“How was that?” my friend asked.

My eyes teared up. “It’s my growing edge. I know Nature and the animals are helping us, even in our work. It’s humbling. I feel moved by it.”

Dear Reader, when was the last time you let Nature have a word with you? Did you make the change?

UNTIL THE COWS COME HOME

I am humming along these days, things unfolding in beautiful and harmonious ways. I also have this little voice that intrudes, “Are we there yet?”

This past Saturday, I was delighted when I emptied half my clothes closet onto my bed. This spontaneous impulse, formerly stifled, was set free. “Clothes are on the bed; organization’s in the house! Yippee!” I was happy, just BEING, sorting clothes by colors, creating order and space.

In the last phase of organizing, appreciating color coordination, this little voice said, “Yes, but what about Linked In? What about organizing the dresser drawers? What about that call you need to make?”

While it sounded like a dentist drilling inside my mouth, it was not an inner critic but a child’s whine.

I explored deeper. This impulse sabotages my happiness sometimes. She speaks to me of TO DO LISTS. She mistrusts “being in the now”.

I started WORKING early in life, putting out family fires. My poor amygdala! http://drbenkim.com/overcome-chronic-fear-anxiety.html  It’s Horse Sentinel Syndrome, scanning horizons for danger. 

In equine-guided leadership, we teach that horses are herd and prey animals. As a herd they move together, promising greater safety from predators. Often in herd dynamics there is a lead mare who will let the others know when to stay and when to move. 

There is also a horse who stays outside this herd cluster. This sentinel is in the role of scanning the horizons, noting if things are safe. It's the sentinel's job to also notice if a coyote is on a hill. The sentinel then communicates this danger with the lead mare and the other horses so that the herd can move to safety.

On a recent walk, I interviewed my inner child using a Psychosynthesis educational model that helps one have detachment to view various concerns and conflicts. http://www.aliharrison.com/psychosynthesis/Subpersonalities.html Turns out, this aspect of my identity needs my help to STOP working all the time! She’s perpetually on duty. She needs to trust “the moment, this now.” And know that it’s okay to be happy.

As I contact her, cows come into view.

From afar, one cow looks deeply into my eyes. I look back into hers. My heart quiets; my breath slows down. She is showing me what BEING looks like. This cow contentedly is, well, chewing on her cud. I hear her message.

“Do you understand? What I’m doing is as important as you working with animal stewards, or cleaning out your desk. I’m lying down, chewing. I’m fulfilling my destiny.”

I listen. I walk slowly toward her. I feel this inner child soothed and grow quiet. Two cows further out walk over to the fence. I meet them. I don’t need to hand them grass or do anything. I just “be”. Curious, four other cows join us at the fence line. I am reminded of Carolyn Resnick’s blog about SHARING TERRITORY.  http://www.carolynresnickblog.com/good-vibrations-sharing-territory™/ It’s about being present, connected, not doing, Zen-like, "letting come".  http://consultingforpassion.blogspot.com/2014/03/wu-wei.html

In inaction, I’m connected.  Another cow looks earnestly into my eyes. We stand close. I look into her large brown eyes. It’s the first time I’ve seen a cow. A veil drops; karla/soul meets cow/soul. I experience a profound peace. We are standing together in a field of love.

Later, I tell a friend about my Saturday interruption and what the cows just shared with me.

No slouch to inner development, Beth responds: “Karla, I believe all of us, as women, have these eternal lists that keep us from nurturing ourselves. We’re compulsive and keep working, scanning for others’ unmet needs. Our lists don’t let us rest. It’s why we don’t easily take care of what we need. Or take time to just be.”

Well, I’m no longer waiting until the cows come home. This moment, this blog, sharing territory with you and the cows is enough.

Do you have a never-ending list, Reader, or are you content to just be?